u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
