Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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