accomplished twins. life is a go
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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