I'm really into asian looking animals
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
