After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
