If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
3pm strippers are depressing
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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