somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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