come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
