i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
