You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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