Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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