i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize