it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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