as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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