Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
