he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
