I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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