so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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