**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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