It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
