this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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