He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
