I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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