Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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