Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
