theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
