As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
