i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We're too hungover to prance.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
