She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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