I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
