a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
