I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
