tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
