OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
