Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The beer is more important than you right now.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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