I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize