We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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