i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
