Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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