I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize