Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
