They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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