We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
