I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
