Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
