i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
