im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
