yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
