dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
