last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
