I just pynch a tree in the face
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
