I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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