Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
