i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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