i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
