I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize