I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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