Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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