But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
