just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
