I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
