Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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