I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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