I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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