I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
