you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
