I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she smelled like a LAN party
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
