Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
