I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize