youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
