i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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