No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
