Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
