There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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