How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
