I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
